Sunday, July 10, 2011

little victories and random thoughts

there have been many little victories,
smiles, a giggle, beginnings of boredom and... food.
chloe got to have a little chocolate milk, PB&J and chocolate cake. we got to see a little chloe sparkle with each bite.

after her food settles, devos will provide us with a little wagon equipped with a battery powered IV pole so we can get outside for a few minutes. the nurse even found a cute pair of sunglasses for the ride.

we all slept much better last night. kip and i took turns with chloe and martha and henri were able to sleep in their own beds. uncle jed was there to stay with them. for the first time, i was able to sleep without too much awake time. those awake times are sometimes the hardest, but welcome all the same.

in those moments i can process. i find myself thinking about our new vocabulary: port, chemotherapy, oncologist...
the most difficult word is cancer.
for you harry potter readers, it is sort of like naming voldemort.
it is much easier to say "the c word"
sort of like the wizards said "he who must not be named."

we don't have an official diagnosis so it is possibly premature to even say the word. i feel, however, that we need to practice saying it, hear the syllables with our ears and learn to make it part of a new reality. what a blessing if it does not become our reality, but nothing is certain for this moment.

we feel so blessed by our wide net of support.
the wall is full of beautifully colored cards made by chloe's friends.
every time i pass the computer, there is a new e-mail or facebook notification.
offerings of love, encouragement, help, food, childcare.
this is what gets us through the difficult moments.
this is where we sense the presence of God.
thank you for that, otherwise i might focus my prayers on asking why.
instead i give thanks or read your prayers and feel as if i am in a loving embrace.
i want to respond to all of you, to express my gratitude.
instead i am taking those moments to hold chloe's hand, offer words of encouragement and celebrate the little victories.


Jean said...

How can she not smile with PB&J and chocolate? The ultimate foods for a 4 year old!

My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. I know that God has you firmly in His arms and will carry all of you through this.

Take care of yourselves. Hugs to all!


Lara Parent Photography said...

love, love, LOVE you guys!!!
xxxxx's and ooooooo's to all of you!

Unknown said...

I am saying over and over for you today..."be still and know that I am God".
I am confident He will provide His grace exactly when you need it.
Thanking Him for that
and you...this post is beautiful.
And so is Chloe.

Kelley said...

You have all been in our prayers and thoughts, and will continue to be...I can imagine how scared you must all be, and I am moved by the strength of your will and the grace you portray in the updates. Holland is growing into a large cheering section for Chloe.

Love, Kelley

GS said...

Hola Crista y familia,
nos hemos enterado de la situación de chloe...esperamos que se siga recuperando y que despues del susto todos encuentren la paz.

Que bueno enterarnos de los progresos de Martita, dile que nos hubiera gustado ir a verla en su debut como actriz.

Nos estaremos poniendo al día por medio de tu blog. Esperamos oir (leer) buenas noticias muy pronto mientras tanto, que Dios este con ustedes.

Saludos y muchas bendiciones de parte de sus amigos y hermanos en Cristo Jaime, Irma y Gema.

P.S. Por la readaptación no hemos podido tener contacto constante con ustedes pero siempre han estado en nuestro pensamiento y nuestro corazon y asi seguira siendo.

Renee V said...

Kip - You don't know me. I work for Walled Lake Scools and heard about you through your new Supt. Dave Barry. I wanted to post because my niece was diagnosed with Kidney cancer three years ago. My sister and my niece have been seeing some fabulous doctors and I am happy to report that she is doing well. She was 17 when diagnosed and is now 20 and attending MSU. I'm certain my sister or my niece would be happy to share their resources as you seek to find information.
I read in your blog that you don't have a diagnosis yet and I pray that Chloe gets an "all clear".

Cell 248-821-9599
Ps. Any chance you lived in Macomb County? There have been several cases of kidney cancer in children in SE Michigan within the last few years.

Mary DY said...

Every story or pic of Chloe smiling is a cause for celebration in the hearts of those who love you all.

sherry said...

Sending love and peace your way! Continuing to lift all of you up in prayer. You're right on to embrace the good moments. Rest well sweetie!

smashcroft said...

I just want to let you know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers. I had the opportunity to help with the Lakeshore Miracle Run yesterday and thought of Chloe and all those running for her as well as others yesterday. Since I have only done one 5k this year which was huge for me. I decided for little Chloe I am going to run the Miracle Run for her next year. Give her big hugs from Ms. Karin and I can't wait to see her smiling face.....God Bless you all. And thanks for keeping us posted.


smashcroft said...

Just an FYI....apparently, I am under Sarah's Blog. But please know that the message is from me...Karin

ann weller said...

Some sleep for you, and a little food for Chloe...blessings of the day. And we hope for more blessings tomorrow. You are in a place which takes excellent care of children...and their parents, I think. Prayers continue to come around you.

smille said...

The Millen family continues to hold up the Holland-Anderson family in prayer. We love you all very much!

Peter said...

Hello all! Just wanted to say thanks for your beautiful updates online, for your honesty and work to be grateful for the little things, and also to say that we are praying for your whole family from afar. Thinking of you today especially and asking God to walk with you in each mtng and each decision. Love, Peter, Liz and Eva VerHage

Mary Ann said...

Hugs, prayers and good thoughts coming your way from Door County.

Peace and hope ...

Erik, Mary Ann and Anka Rinkleff

bekahschipper said...

We are encouraged that Chloe's beautiful smile and giggles have returned! We are praying for you all as you get back test results and weigh the news. May God grant you peace and strength. Blessings friends!

Nate, Bekah, Eva