there have been many little victories,
smiles, a giggle, beginnings of boredom and... food.
chloe got to have a little chocolate milk, PB&J and chocolate cake. we got to see a little chloe sparkle with each bite.
after her food settles, devos will provide us with a little wagon equipped with a battery powered IV pole so we can get outside for a few minutes. the nurse even found a cute pair of sunglasses for the ride.
we all slept much better last night. kip and i took turns with chloe and martha and henri were able to sleep in their own beds. uncle jed was there to stay with them. for the first time, i was able to sleep without too much awake time. those awake times are sometimes the hardest, but welcome all the same.
in those moments i can process. i find myself thinking about our new vocabulary: port, chemotherapy, oncologist...
the most difficult word is cancer.
for you harry potter readers, it is sort of like naming voldemort.
it is much easier to say "the c word"
sort of like the wizards said "he who must not be named."
we don't have an official diagnosis so it is possibly premature to even say the word. i feel, however, that we need to practice saying it, hear the syllables with our ears and learn to make it part of a new reality. what a blessing if it does not become our reality, but nothing is certain for this moment.
we feel so blessed by our wide net of support.
the wall is full of beautifully colored cards made by chloe's friends.
every time i pass the computer, there is a new e-mail or facebook notification.
offerings of love, encouragement, help, food, childcare.
this is what gets us through the difficult moments.
this is where we sense the presence of God.
thank you for that, otherwise i might focus my prayers on asking why.
instead i give thanks or read your prayers and feel as if i am in a loving embrace.
i want to respond to all of you, to express my gratitude.
instead i am taking those moments to hold chloe's hand, offer words of encouragement and celebrate the little victories.