Thursday, July 28, 2011

roller coaster

our friend steve deyoung used a roller coaster as a metaphor for cancer.
it describes the range of emotions perfectly.

it is so confusing, there are all these top-of-the-hill moments,
where you are at the top of the biggest hill,
surveying all that is beautiful around you.

so many heartfelt prayers,
offers of help,
tangible tokens of love and concern,
chloe's crew.
it all just keeps rolling in
day by day,
sometimes hour by hour.
chloe's great response to the treatments,
the beginning of a "routine."

you can't stay at the top of the hill forever
if you want to finish the ride
you have to go down.

yesterday i saw several long, golden hairs on the back of chloe's shirt.
i felt like i was whooshing down the hill.

today we had our last day of radiation.
they made it like a big party.
they showered chloe with presents.
while waiting for chloe,
i received the great news about chloe's crew
surpassing their goal in 5 days.
back up the hill

chloe's oncologist talked very directly with her about hair loss.
she answered chloe's questions about mary.
she shared some positive test results.
up and down, up and down.

in the car chloe wanted to call my sister-in-law, tracey.
she wanted to tell her that she was free.
free of the tube that has been in her port all week.
free to swim this week.
then she told tracey,
"eventually my hair is going to fall out,
but i get a pony tail hat!"
sometimes i can't tell anymore if i am
climbing up
or plummeting down.

thanks for coming along with me for the ride.


Kathryn Schoon-Tanis said...

we are here with you, even if you start puking all over us. we'll hold your hand and wipe your forehead. no matter how long it takes...

Tonia said...

I love that you're using your LC training in real life :-) Ha Ha. I hope you don't mind if I just look for a minute at the beauty of your writing, as if I didn't know you and weren't really standing right there by the roller coaster. It's just that it's so good, the writing and the beauty of it makes me want to stop and really look.


sherry said...

Your writing is magical! Thank you for sharing your ride with us, it does our hearts good. Remember, we have your back. xoxo